Everybody is offering free advice to the presidential candidates (a bargain at twice the price!), so here’s my suggestion for a McCain video.
It starts out with a video of Obama giving one of his “Change” speeches:
Obama: “America demands change!”
Freeze frame, loud game-show buzzer noise, Obama’s head and hands vanish leaving an empty suit. Narrator: “Senator Obama came to power as an Illinois state senator with the help of the notorious Cook County political machine. As a U.S. senator, he has voted the party line 97% of the time, and has never taken a position at odds with the party leadership on any significant issue.”
Obama: “The surge has succeeded beyond anybody’s anticipation.”
Again: freeze frame, buzzer, empty suit. Narrator: “John McCain strongly advocated a surge years before the strategy was finally adopted and implemented. The success of the surge wasn’t unanticipated by everybody, Senator Obama.”
Obama: “Sarah Palin has accepted earmarks for Alaska.”
Freeze, buzz, empty suit. Narrator: “Senator Obama has supported nearly a billion dollars in earmarks, including funds for a hospital that employed his wife as an attorney. He unsuccessfully tried to earmark three million dollars for a museum whose chairman is one of his biggest Illinois fundraisers.”
Narrator: “Hey, Senator! Where’s our change?”
No charge, John (the “clothes have no emperor” gag, however, is copyrighted, but I can let you have it in exchange for a cushy ambassadorship; say, Australia?)
Update: The electoral map is now moving in the right direction.
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9 comments:
damn you are so effing clever, paco
BUAWHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
OT: the History Channel is showing 102 Minutes That Changed The World now (9pm). I've never seen most of this footage.
Retread
At the US embassy in Canberra, Jackie Chan's parents were live-in staff for much of their lives I think. Jackie even spent time there with them when he wasn't at Chinese-opera college in Hong Kong.
...
Know what I think Paco? No amount of campaigning matters much any more, now that the American people have a clearly defined choice between form and substance. It's up to them. If they choose form, well we all make mistakes (and can learn from them). But I reckon the People know real substance when they see it.
But hey, it's fun to help if we can.
Excellent, Paco. You should be a campaign manager next election.
Dunno about ambassador to OZ, Paco - their capitol is Caberra, a wholly manufactured city, much like DC but without the, uh... rich cultural tradition? Maybe not fair since DC has the JFK Center and is in proximity to Wolf Trap. And the Smithsonian. And the Library of Congress. So DC wins, not that I'd want to live there either.
A much better gig would be US Consul in Sydney or Perth. I especially like the latter.
I'm with Steve, head on over to the capital of WOZ Paco, the first round is on me.
Perth is rightly regarded as one of cushiest spots on the US diplomatic circuit, with only the occasional US fleet visit (pacifying the moonbats who are convinced radioactive waste will destroy the city and bailing out sailors who have celebrated a little too enthusiastically) apparently counting as real work. It also comes with a magnificent residence next to Kings Park overlooking the city and the Swan River. I'm reliably informed that for these reasons you earn it with a really tough previous posting so our US consuls tend have just come from behing Charge d'Affaires in Kinshasa, Kabul, Lagos or similar hellholes and in need of a well earned break.
Hmm. Well, I don't think I'm willing to do any time in Lagos, so maybe I'll settle for the ambassadorship , after all. Or perhaps the Sydney consulate.
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