"Hi. This is Joe Biden. I'm Sorry I Can't Take Your Call Right Now, But If You'll Leave a Message...

The Washington campaign headquarters of Barack Obama. Campaign adviser David Axelrod is sitting at his desk when his secretary enters.

Secretary: Here are the latest internal polls for Florida and North Carolina, Mr. Axelrod; they were taken after Mr. Biden’s…er…comments in Seattle about Senator Obama being tested in his first six months by a foreign policy crisis.

Axelrod: Mmph. Ok, let me have a look (Reads to himself for a moment) Crap, crap, CRAP!

(A strange bumping sound issues from the closet, along with what seem like muffled yells)

Secretary (startled, she whispers to Axelrod): Sir! There’s a noise coming from your closet!

Axelrod: Really? I didn’t hear anything.

(*Bump! Bump! Bump!* Ehhmeouttaear!!)

Secretary: Sir, I’m sure that…

Axelrod: That will be all, Miss Tufts.

Secretary (casts a doubtful glance at the closet): Yes, sir ( she leaves the office, closing the door behind her).

(Axelrod rises from his desk, locks his office door, and tip-toes to the closet. Opening the closet door, he looks down with thinly veiled contempt at Senator Joe Biden, trussed up like the victim of a jewelry store robbery, an Obama bumper sticker plastered over his mouth)

Axelrod: Once again, Joe, you’re not following the script. I told you to hold the racket down, and what do you do? You thrash around like a pit bull at the vet’s, squeamish about getting his distemper shot. Do you need a shot of something, Joe?

(Biden’s eyes widen with fear, and he shakes his head quickly from side to side; in spite of the gag, he manages to articulate his submission: “Moe! Mot-at! Peas!).

Axelrod: Very well, then. You just lay there quietly like a good boy, and we’ll bring you something to eat in a little while, maybe let you go down the hall for a wee-wee. And don’t worry, you’ll be out on the campaign trail again before you know it; just as soon as we can get the micro-receiver embedded next to one of you hair plugs ( a faint whimper comes from Biden; “O-o-o, moe! P-e-a-s!”). Sorry, Joe; but you want to be Vice President, don’t you? I’m sure you’ll want to be there to help Obama through the foreign policy blow-ups that his inexperience will attract - isn’t that how you put it? Now knock off the noise, unless you want to be sealed up in the Vice President’s office come January! *Slam!*