Friday, April 28, 2017

Happy Feet Friday

He's Willie Mabon, and he's got his own special blues (good mute trumpet backing him up).

Thursday, April 27, 2017

Forget it, Jake. It's France.

"Emmanuel Macron, who by several projections is set to win the French presidency in two weeks, was just a 15-year-old student when his 40-year-old teacher seduced him – and the two are married today."

In the U.S., a felony; in La Belle France, a sentimental May/December romance.

Update: Via Mercurius Aulicus in the comments, it appears that Macron, faced with unprecedented terrorism in France, thinks it's a good idea to pick a fight with Poland.

Wednesday, April 26, 2017

Baseball

The sport has been around a long time, but it's still full of surprises.

Alternate reality

How the antifa punks see themselves...



How (I suspect) many of them really appear...



(Photo H/T: Ace)

Now, I'm not saying that a guy with a stomach like a kettle grill definitely can't be a successful lefty street fighter, but I'd say the odds are against him - especially if his opponents start carrying harpoons. His prospects as a barricade, however, look excellent.

And while I'm cheerfully lifting pictures from other web sites, here's another one from Powerline:

I wonder what the theological implications are

Some ISIS goons were recently killed - by pigs.

I think, according to Allah's rule book, that means eternity in the penalty box.

Sunday, April 23, 2017

Close

I thought about using some kind of French tag in the post title, but I hate having to fuss with all those frilly accent marks. Anyhow, right-winger Marine Le Pen (at 21.7% in the first round) has made it into the second round of the presidential election and will face off against leftist-posing-as-centrist Emmanuel Macron (23.7%).

Now, I don't profess to know much about the French election process, but I think slap-fighting and guillotines figure into it somehow. So, should be interesting.

Sunday funnies

Interesting chain of events: man loses wallet, has drinking game named after him (H/T: Mrs. Paco).

Drive carefully.

Police sketch artist wanted: no talent required.

Hey, you'll be better off, anyway...



Looks like Kim is done (H/T: Powerline's "The Week in Pictures")...


Today's Chuck Norris fact: Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people, then it exploded.

Saturday, April 22, 2017

American Airlines: Customer Service expert wanted

An overly aggressive AA employee goes viral: "American Airlines flight attendant 'whacks a mother in the head with a metal stroller while she holds her twin babies and reduces her to tears'".

Now, there may be more to this story than meets the eye, but what meets the eye does look pretty bad. That's why this is starting to look a lot less like a parody:



Update: I had originally thought this was United Airlines, but it was American. I have changed the title of the post. The video is a satirical riff on United, but it seems that it might fit more than one airline.

Friday, April 21, 2017

If I ever get charged with a crime...

I hope it's something cooler than "unlawful dental acts".
Among the charges, filed Monday, are allegations that in 2016, Lookhart billed nearly $2 million in intravenous sedation without proper justification; that he illegally diverted funds from his employer; and he performed a tooth extraction while standing on a hoverboard, filmed it and texted it to others, while a patient was sedated.
Well, I dunno. That hoverboard thing was kinda cool.

Happy Feet Friday

The Andrews Sisters, in a live performance of Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy (embedding disabled for some reason).

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

They just won't quit

One of our congressional ignoroscenti - one Earl Blumenauer, D[ouchebag], Oregon - is proposing legislation that would permit former presidents to act as a panel to remove a sitting president who turns out to be "unfit" for office (wonder if he has anyone particular in mind).

And get this:
A handful of Democratic lawmakers have openly raised questions about Trump's psychological state since he took office in January, including Blumenauer, Sen. Al Franken (Minn.) and Reps. Ted Lieu (Calif.) and John Yarmuth (Ky.)."
That's right. Senator Al Franken is one of the people concerned about Trump's mental state. You remember Al Franken, don't you?



Hey, thanks for nothing, Minnesota.

Tuesday, April 18, 2017

Stop the world, I want to get off

"Transgender woman who 'suffered a broken penis when her lover had a heart attack and DIED during sex' sues the man's wife for damages".

I think one would pour over the writings of those great jurists Blackstone and Maitland in vain looking for precedent in a case like this. I presume if these gentlemen were alive today, one or both would look at this case and mutter, in shock, something along the lines of "I say, old top, who does this s**t?"

America unhinged

A woman in Oregon offers comfort to her ex-husband by telling him Donald Trump has been impeached.
"And the last thing she said to him was 'Donald Trump has been impeached.' Upon hearing that he took his final, gentle breath, his earthly work concluded."
Boy, is that guy going to be surprised when he settles in with his harp and looks down on the world and sees that Donald is still POTUS; he'll probably come back and haunt his ex-wife for the rest of her life.

Monday, April 17, 2017

It was only a matter of time...

...before the so-called "anti-Fascists" got their asses kicked.

By popular demand!

Well, actually, at the request of friend and commenter, Deborah: some very recent pictures of Maggie.





She put the boots on so she could go outside and dig in the dirt for bugs (Meh. What can I say; the kid's easy to entertain). I believe, as usual, she has them on the wrong feet.

Here's a picture we took on Easter:



And here's a random shot:



So, there you go, the future CEO of Paco Enterprises (and defendant in consumer class action suits to come), Magdalen Lee "Paco".

Sunday, April 16, 2017

Happy Easter

Sunday funnies

How to avoid being dragged off an airplane like a sack of mulch.

Related: The new passenger removal playset...



Has your male dog had "the operation"? Help him recover his self-esteem with Neuticles.

Yeah, I hate when that happens: "Australian man finds golf course swarmed by kangaroos" (H/T: Mrs. Paco)

If he was going to take that kind of risk, you'd think he would at least have headed for Five Guys: "Boy, 8, craves burger, drives dad's van a mile to McDonald's" (Ditto).

Up S**t Creek without a paddle? No problem...



BOLO...



Saturday, April 15, 2017

Triple threat

I had never heard of a Boss shotgun until I ran across this article in The Daily Caller.

Good news, incidentally, if you'd like to own one. A Boss single-trigger, triple-barrel shotgun is now on the market for the low, low price of only $333,333.

Doddering, useless old cobra still producing venom

Cankles still can't face up to reality, continues to blame everybody, including her staff, for epic election fail.

Friday, April 14, 2017

Happy Feet Friday

Glenn Miller and the Army Air Force Band, with Ray McKinley on vocals, perform the GI Jive.

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

I look forward to the geniuses at 4Chan planting a MAGA flag atop the roof

"Shia LaBeouf spending a month living alone in Finland cabin".

Priorities

Now, I want to be fair, so, full disclosure: I've never attended a service at the Little River United Church of Christ. I'm willing to entertain at least the possibility that, every now and again, the pastor issues a thunderous denunciation of the genocide being carried out by Muslims against Christians in the Middle East and Nigeria. But the message the church is sending out to the public via this sign suggests the kind of bend-over-backwards, social justice, leftist sensibility that characterizes the watered-down Christian organization in which Christ is viewed as little more than Chairman, emeritus, and his gospel has been updated to reflect the latest trends in progressive thought.



I'm not aware of any instances of anti-Muslim bigotry in the area, but I did notice that the sign outside of a local Jewish community center - not even a quarter mile down the road from this church - had been spray-painted with a vicious anti-Semitic comment. I'll keep a lookout for the UC of C's sign condemning this example of real (as opposed to hypothetical) bigotry.

Might be a while.

Tuesday, April 11, 2017

Wanted: Public Relations expert. Apply United Airlines.

Some pretty funny Twitter riffs on the incident involving the passenger being dragged off a United Airlines flight.

We all suspected

Right? I mean, there has been a lot of talk. But Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg seems to have confirmed it: Senator Lindsey Graham is a woman.

Monday, April 10, 2017

In idle moments...

...I frequently speculate on how many bags of cement it would take to seal this guy's mouth.

Sunday, April 9, 2017

Sunday funnies

Updated and bumped - Important news from the culinary world: a ham sandwich that looks like Vin Diesel (H/T: Mrs. Paco).

Important safety tip: camels believe in helping themselves.

If we don't get rid of Obama Care, this is the sort of thing many of us will probably have to look forward to.

Shower hair art.

Cooking spaghetti: yer doin' it wrong...



Self-explanatory (H/T: Powerline's "The Week in Pictures")...



One-person Frisbee...



Friday, April 7, 2017

Happy Feet Friday

Contemporary boogieologist Caroline Dahl performs the River City Boogie-Woogie.

Thursday, April 6, 2017

Sad, sad news

The great Don Rickles has died, at age 90.

Assortment

Update and bumped. Courtesy of friend and commenter Bruce, a take on Melania's photo that is actually quite enlightening.

Veeshir covers the Communist News Network.

Pepsi's lame attempts at being hip and socially relevant are just another reason I switched to RC Cola.

Happy birthday to retro bombshell Gina Elise (H/T: Gregory).

The Boston Globe beclowns itself by finding something to quibble about with respect to Melania Trump's official portrait (and, yes, I'm going to go there: on her worst day, Melania Trump surely looked infinitely more fetching than Michelle "Moose" Obama ever did in her entire life).

Behold the sheer awesomeness of solar power.

Probably just a rounding error.

When the watch dogs actually collude with the housebreakers.

Judge: "I hearby set bail at $35 million."
Defendant: "No problem."

Tuesday, April 4, 2017

The Resistance abides!

I was standing by the flowerbed outside of my agency this afternoon, smoking a meditative cigarette, when I noticed a bundle of papers lying partially concealed among the daffodils. Extracting the papers from the flowers, I found them to be somewhat damp from the previous night's rain, but still in reasonably good shape. They turned out to be flyers issued by an outfit called Refuse Fascism, and it was clear from the language that the group sees Trump as Hitler - if anything, on an even larger scale of malevolence. Here is a photo of one of the flyers:



On the reverse, the manifesto has been helpfully translated into...Arabic:



There was another document in which the group's political stance was spelled out in all its gaudy left-wing paranoia. A sample:
Donald Trump and Mike Pence have assembled a vicious cabal that has put forth positions and begun initiatives which demonstrate that they fully intend to shred political and social norms with catastrophic consequence. Because Trump has his finger on the nuclear trigger, the Trump/Pence regime is more dangerous to the world than even Hitler.
In the context of ideology, this is mere childish twaddle, the sophomoric temper tantrum of parlor Marxists; however, somebody went to the trouble of composing and printing out this dreck, so I was curious as to why the building and nearby lamp posts and the few spindly trees in the vicinity weren't festooned with these flyers, which, instead, had been left to molder among the flowers. I began to speculate on what happened...

The previous night. Late. A light, drizzling rain is falling silently. Three shadowy figures turn the corner and halt not far from the entrance to a government building.

Anti-Fascist leader: "Ok, guys. Here are the flyers. Who's got the tape?"

Subordinate anti-Fascists, exchanging nervous glances: [Silence].

Leader: "You're kidding, right? Nobody brought tape? How about twist-ties? Thumbtacks? Chewing gum?"

A disembodied voice suddenly sounds in the darkness. "Hey, man, any of you got a coupla dollars?"

The three shadowy figures yelp in unison, and simultaneously jump in terrified surprise (inadvertently executing a clumsy but vigorous entrechat).

A homeless man materializes out of the gloom.

"Seriously, bruthuz, I'm gonna buy food. I don't wan'it for drugs o' nuthin' like dat."

Leader: "Damn! You startled us. Either of you guys have any money?"

Subordinate anti-Fascist #1: "No, I never carry cash. Not in DC, anyway."

Subordinate anti-Fascist #2: "All I've got is a coupon for a free drink at Five Guys. Here buddy, you can have that."

Leader: "Sorry, my friend, we're a little short right now, but we're working to make a better future for the oppressed masses. You understand?"

Homeless man: "Yeah, I get it. Someday you all gonna fix it so I can eat all the pork roast and mashed 'taters I want, but right now I gotta make do with a co-cola. Same damn thing with you comuniss ev'ry time." Shaking his head, the homeless man wanders off.

Leader: "Alright, he's gone. So how are we going to post these flyers?"

Subordinate anti-Fascist #1: "I've got some duct tape in my car."

Leader: "That would be the car we drove tonight? The one we parked at the Vienna Metro station, twelve miles from here? S**t, Justin, what good is that gonna do us?"

Subordinate anti-Fascist #2: "Look! Isn't that a police car coming this way?"

Deciding not to stand upon the order of his going, the Leader flings the flyers into the daffodils and all three men run across the street to the Metro station, in headlong flight from - as it turns out, a fellow driving a Domino's Pizza delivery car.

Yes, I can easily see the the thing going down that way. I mean, these people aren't exactly brimming with the courage and determination of the maquisards, now, are they?

But upon further reflection, there might be a more likely explanation. Perhaps an anti-Fascist provocateur paid a homeless person a few bucks to hand out the flyers, the guy pocketed the money and, as soon as his benefactor was out of sight, he just tossed the papers in the first convenient place he found.

Oh, and you can probably guess who's helping to finance Refuse Fascism: that would-be James Bond villain and bush league anti-Christ, George Soros. These are the same people who rioted at Berkeley when Trump-supporter Milo Yiannopoulos tried to stage an event.

As a matter of truth in labeling, maybe this outfit ought to call itself Rescue Fascism. I'm thinking of mailing the broadsides to Soros, with the observation that if be thinks he's going to get results out of these Keystone Kommies, he's out of his mind.

Monday, April 3, 2017

I'm sure there's a logical explanation

But is there a legally justifiable one?

"Obama National Security Advisor SUSAN RICE Behind Unmasking Of Trump Transition Team".

I always figured the Obama administration was sneakier, more devious and more underhanded than anything since Lyndon Johnson or Richard Nixon. So why are we just getting puff pieces on Barry now that he's gone? (Yes, that's a rhetorical question). You know the kind of thing I'm talking about: "Retired president and minor deity Barack Obama receives standing ovation at the Shake Shack, as patrons rush to pay for his double cheeseburger".

Update: It looks like at least two news outlets sat on the above story in an attempt to protect the Obama administration and undermine Trump.

Dear Mainstream Media: Please stop asking us to trust you; it's getting tedious.

Pretty interesting

The Tasmanian Tiger, thought to have been extinct for decades, may still be hanging on. Here's footage from the 1930s of the last known living Thylacines:



Now, find me a live moa in New Zealand and we'll really have something to talk about.

Better late than never

Just found this April Fools video (via Massad Ayoob): the bullet cam.

Sunday, April 2, 2017

Actor officially enters his dotage

According to Robert Redford, we've been enjoying a period of "sound and accurate journalism" ever since the fall of the satanic Nixon, but the free press is now endangered once again by Donelzebub.

About what you'd expect from someone who played Dan Rather in a movie hilariously entitled Truth.

Sunday funnies

Update: Almost forgot this one. Sportscaster, denied permission to use NCAA film clips, innovates.

Which came first, the chicken, the egg or the moron?

There's one born every minute: Burger King's "left-handed" Whoppers.

Burglar foiled by fence.

Dang! Missed it again this year: the festival of exploding sledgehammers.

These pranks sure beat "your shoe's untied".

Words to live by...



Little girl thinks a water heater is a robot..


Friday, March 31, 2017

Furious George

A Drexel professor reaches for his barf-bag when a patriotic citizen gives up a seat on a plane to a soldier.
A Pennsylvania college professor said he wanted to "vomit" after an airline passenger gave up a first-class seat for a uniformed member of the armed forces, Heat Street reported.

Drexel University Professor George Ciccariello-Maher, who was criticized last Christmas for saying the only gift he wanted was "white genocide", said he wanted to "yell about Mosul" when he saw the act of kindness on the plane.
There might be a slight chance that this idiot can recover some portion of good judgment and charity, but he, himself, must decide to take action:

Happy Feet Friday

Laura Rucker is cryin' the blues.

Monday, March 27, 2017

The Great Democrat Hope is really kinda hopeless

Stupidest Tweet of all time? Well, it's definitely up there.

So, I used to think Paul Ryan was a pretty smart guy

I'm beginning to think I was misinformed. Kurt Schlichter opines:
Ryan is still making tactical errors. Instead of saying, “Tomorrow, I am calling together all the stakeholders and we are getting right back to work on fixing this,” it was, “Well, that was sad. Let’s forget about repealing Obamacare for a while and work on tax reform because it’s important to let the media spin us as focusing all our efforts on giving tax cuts to the rich instead of cutting normal people’s premiums.” And you just know Wonky O’Tonedeaf is going to wheel out a tax reform abortion cobbled together in some Cannon Office Building utility closet that screws over Republican voters with cuts to the home mortgage, charity, and state tax deductions because why wouldn’t the GOP be stupid enough to shaft its own voters while still managing to get painted by the media as toadying to the rich?

Sunday, March 26, 2017

Sunday funnies

Hey, who's up for watching some dog racing?




Potemkin villages haven't disappeared; you just need to know where to look for them.

Yeah, chemistry wasn't my best subject, either...



Baltimore police have apparently arrested a time traveler.

Headline of the week (possibly the year): "Man Cooking Up Ramen In A Speedo Accidentally Shoots Himself In The Nuts With 20 Bottle Rockets".

Priorities...



Saturday, March 25, 2017

The Democrats' fifth column

Quite simply, the donks support massive immigration and an easy "path to citizenship" because they're looking for votes. In some cases, the citizenship part seems to be optional.

Adding insult to injury

No sooner do two immigrant thugs (at least one of whom is in the country illegally) sexually assault a 14-year-old girl in a Maryland public school bathroom, than the House of Delegates of the Free State votes to give Maryland sanctuary status.

In other news of cultural suicide, English patriot Katie Hopkins sings the death song of Britain.

T.S.Eliot was right: the world - or at least its Western half - is going to end, not with a bang, but a whimper.

Update: Racism and xenophobia will not be tolerated in Maryland public schools, says the Superintendent of Rockville High. Rape...meh, we'll see.

Friday, March 24, 2017

Happy Feet Friday

Doc Ross, in a fabulous display of multi-tasking.

Thursday, March 23, 2017

"How to Support Women in the Age of Trump"

Alternative blog post title: "What the Hell Are We Going To Do With a Batch of Whiskey Named After This Hapless Loser?"

Pia Carusone and Rachel Gardner, owners of the Republic Restoratives distillery, got the bright idea prior to the recent election to go with the smart money and come out with a whiskey label to honor the first woman president of the United States.

Hmmmm...m'yes...

That didn't work out quite as planned. So now, Carusone and Gardner, under the rubric of rallying, reviving and otherwise bucking up the flagging spirits of the proglodyte women's movement, are convening a coven sponsoring a fund-raiser for The Cause, which they hope will help them unload 4,652 bottles of coffin paint labeled "Rodham Rye".
Rodham Rye will launch on March 25 with a “community conversation” at the Ivy City distillery entitled “How to Support Women in the Age of Trump.” After a panel discussion, Republic Restoratives will lead tours and offer samples and cocktails, while female-owned vendors will provide food. Five percent of proceeds from the $79 bottles will go to EMILY’s List, an organization that helps pro-choice Democratic women running for office.
I toyed with the idea of buying a bottle, as a kind of curio, but I decline to put money in the hands of the pro-abortion crowd. Besides, at $79 a bottle, the investment would make a large hole in my monthly budget for Thunderbird.

Commenters are invited to create a winning slogan - Oops! Too late for that! - make that an amusing slogan to help these gals move that booze.

My entry: "Rodham Rye: One glass of this stuff and you won't care who won the election."

Super-big H/T to Mrs. Paco for spotting this story.

Wednesday, March 22, 2017

I'm really feeling like an underachiever

Chelsea Clinton wins a lifetime achievement award, and she's only 37.

Update: Veeshir, in the comments - "Well, she did achieve life. That's quite the accomplishment since it means somebody had to have sex with Hillary."

Sunday, March 19, 2017

Chuck Berry

Rock & Roll legend Chuck Berry has died at age 90.

Here he is in a live performance of one of my favorite R&R tunes, Roll Over Beethoven.

Sunday funnies

Via that indefatigable Internet explorer, Captain Heinrichs - the assault trombone.




Finally! An exercise I can really get into (via Powerline's "The Week in Pictures"):



Truth plant.

The ten million dollar punctuation error.

As Winston Churchill said, "Nothing in life is so exhilarating as to be shot at without result."



Via friend and commenter Bruce, here's a video that subtly underscores the rivalry between Australia and New Zealand.

Saturday, March 18, 2017

"I am here to die for Allah"

Request granted.

Assortment

Ageing, over-privileged doper and his little dog, too, take potshots at the Trump family from the safe remove of their depraved fantasy world. They're at least smart enough to know that if they ever tried to make it real, they'd wind up laid out on the sidewalk, shot to doll rags by the Secret Service.

First brought to my attention by friend and commenter Skeeter, and now confirmed to be genuine by American Digest, an American citizen relates what a foreigner has to do to get a work visa in Mexico.

Huma Abedin is still carrying Hillary's bags.

As Wyatt Earp said, "Fast is fine, but accuracy is final."

Forget it, Jake. It's Florida: "A man involved in a standoff with police Thursday pulled a gun on relatives in an apparent dispute over cooking hot dogs".

Quick! To our safe space!

Why put in the effort needed to lose weight when you can just remove the scales?

Brit learns about communism - the hard way.



(Image from Powerline's "The Week in Pictures")

Let me guess: because it's white?


Friday, March 17, 2017

Happy Feet Friday

Jimmy Witherspoon likes his ladies to be strictly up-to-date.

Thursday, March 16, 2017

I don't know if this true or not...

But I'd be delighted to hear that it was: "Did Donald Trump leak his own tax returns?"

He's so good at trolling the press, and this great tax "scoop" so thoroughly backfired on Rachel Maddow, I wouldn't be surprised to hear that the story is true. And if the story isn't true, then it looks like The Winning has simply become an uncontrollable force of nature, as progressives get sucked into the black hole of their own desperate fantasies.

Wednesday, March 15, 2017

I have here, in my liver-spotted hands, a list...

Reds, reds everywhere! Including in the U.S. Senate, according to ageing crank.

Unsettled science

Scott Pruitt, new chief at EPA, begs to differ:
"I think that measuring with precision human activity on the climate is something very challenging to do, and there’s tremendous disagreement about the degree of impact. So no — I would not agree that it’s a primary contributor to the global warming that we see. But we don’t know that yet. We need to continue the debate and continue the review and the analysis.”
The models will probably continue to be off because they're using a faulty AlGore-rhythm.

How long before New Zealand begins contemplating a wall?

"In New Zealand, the number of Americans who applied for a grant of citizenship rose by 70 percent in the 12 weeks following the election of President Donald Trump when compared to the same period a year earlier, immigration records obtained by The Associated Press show."

Well, New Zealand's kinda socialist, isn't it? Maybe all these fair-weather Americans will be happy there. I know I'll be happier with them over there.

Tuesday, March 14, 2017

Predictable

Now that the nation's leading gun salesman is no longer in the White House, firearms companies are hurting.

Man, if I had only had my wits about me. I should have bought stock in S&W and Ruger back in November of 2008, and shorted it as soon as I found out that Hillary's presidential run had gone off the rails and crashed into Failure Gorge.

Not so fast

Commenters at Twitchy are mocking what they take to be a dumb CNN headline: a CNN Tweet includes a photo of the "Fearless Girl" statue, with the caption, "New York's 'Fearless Girl' statue stands her ground against the Wall Street bull, even in the snow". What else would you expect from a statue, except that it stand there, whatever the weather? Obvious, right?

Not necessarily. Here is historical, non-fake evidence of an instance in which a statue did move.



Blizzle

I guess that's what you call a blizzard that doesn't live up to expectations. We only got about 3 inches of snow in Fairfax, and it's turning to slush (the danger, of course, is that it may freeze tonight). And I'm not complaining, mind you; I've gotten to the point where "absence of snowfall" is a key consideration in my retirement calculations.

By the way, I'm teleworking, today. But not to worry, Mr. and Mrs. American taxpayer: I'm on my lunch break and using my non-government computer.

Monday, March 13, 2017

A second look at SNL?

Nah, not really; I understand (but did not view it myself) that Scarlett Johansson did a bit mocking Ivanka Trump. But the skit featuring Charlotte Johansson and the pug dog could have been written by Roger Simon or Kurt Schlicter; the lines "spoken" by the dog are both pro-Trump and completely reasonable.

Update: Captain Heinrichs helpfully pointed out that it's "Scarlett" not "Charlotte" Johansson. Measure twice, cut once.

Blizzard

The forecast here in Fairfax, Virginia is for heavy snow and high winds, so transmissions from the Paco Command Center may be intermittent to non-existent. We'll see.

Ten days from the official start of spring, and now this.

Good news for Democrats and their voter registration efforts

Professor to argue in court that apes are people, too.

Sunday, March 12, 2017

Sunday funnies





(The above images gratefully pinched from Powerline's "The Week in Pictures")

Millennial manliness...



More room out than there is in (canine edition).

Coincidence or flamboyant stunt? "Miami lawyer’s pants erupt in flames during arson trial in court"

Via an email from one of my engineering buddies:

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one; a reassurance to those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.

After every flight, United Parcel Service pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
*
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
*
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
*
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
*
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-feet-per-minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
*
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
*
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
*
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
*
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF is always inoperative in OFF mode.
*
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
*
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
*
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
*
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics..
*
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
*
And the best one for last
*
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from the midget.


Friday, March 10, 2017

High comedy

Weird Hollywood dude, Shia Labeouf - a vocal and emotional Trump-hater - has been attempting some protest stunts that seem to inevitably backfire. First, he set up a livestream camera in front of an anti-Trump banner, that routinely has been hogged by mocking Trump supporters. His next gimmick was to hoist a flag, bearing the device "He Shall Not Divide Us", at a secret location; however, the location did not remain secret for long, as some cunning types at 4Chan discovered it, hauled the flag down and replaced it with a red MAGA cap.

That is one of the funniest things I read about all week. But the absolute funniest thing I encountered was this hilarious video of a professor being interviewed remotely by the BBC. He's sitting in his home office, and his small daughter struts into the room, very much in the manner of Blackbeard strolling on his quarterdeck. That gave me a good chuckle; but when she was followed by the baby in the walker - well, I just lost it, laughed until I cried. Behold! (Suggestion: go straight to YouTube and enlarge the screen for maximum effect).

Happy Feet Friday

One of my favorite jazz stylists, Anita O'Day, performs What's Your Story, Morning Glory?

Wednesday, March 8, 2017

Another reason we should be glad that Hillary lost the election

She may well have tapped her daughter to replace Michelle Obama as National Nutrition Nag, a post to which Chelsea would have been even more poorly suited than the former first lady.

Now, the very idea of spinach pancakes is something I find revolting. I don't know, maybe some of you like them. In any event, I checked out a recipe online, and this is what they're supposed to look like:



Chelsea Clinton turned her hand to cooking up a batch, and they came out like this:



The photo is from a Tweet Chelsea sent out. Her caption is cryptic: "we won't eat them all tonight although Charlotte would if we let her". Unless "Charlotte" is a cow or Popeye's little sister, I can't imagine anyone (or anything) devouring these things in one sitting - or ever, to be perfectly frank.

Twitchy had a field day with this Tweet, the best response coming from Bill Hanstock: "just my traditional midnight snack of a pile of iguanas".

I invite readers to caption the photo of Chelsea's tribute to National Pancake Day. My entries:

"Hey, the Creature from the Black Lagoon s**t on my plate!"

"Good job, Zeke. Looks like you got all the algae out of the horse trough."

The extremely versatile Vepr-12

Just because...

Practical feminism

Tuesday, March 7, 2017

How about filling their positions with currently unemployed teachers? Win!

Public schools in Alexandria, Virginia will be closed tomorrow in honor of our new national holiday, "A Day Without Women".

Now, if this is truly to be a day without women, I expect we won't be hearing from Barbra Streisand or Sarah Silverman or the innumerable other celebrity harpies via Twitter or Facebook or any other social medium, right? I mean, if we're to be without them, let us be without them.

Yeah, of course it won't work that way. The membership of the prog movement's ladies' auxiliary - as utterly dumbfounded as their brethren at having gone to bed with Hillary Clinton on the evening of November 8th, only to be rudely awakened by Donald Trump on the morning of the 9th, roaring for his breakfast - will be firmly planted in our midst, shrieking and tweeting to beat the all-girl band.

So when is Day Without Men? I'm checking my calendar and I don't seem to see it mentioned anywhere. Well, just a temporary oversight, I'm sure. I'm looking forward to it. Think I'll go to the range and try out my new replica of a Richards Second Model Transition Colt .44 (of course, I'm assuming Day Without Men equals Day Without Men in the Office).

Ok, listen up

I'm sick and tired of hearing about Trump supporters getting their asses kicked by so-called "anti-fascist" punks, particularly in places like Berkeley, where the cops stand off at a safe distance, apparently under orders to do nothing but make sure the violence doesn't spill over into the nice neighborhoods inhabited by university professors who are all in favor of leftists beating up conservatives. There was a time when you could engage in peaceful assembly anywhere in America and be reasonably sure of safety; no longer.

Don't set yourself up to be easy targets. Even in California, you have a right to defend yourself from assault and battery. Herewith, a few suggestions:

1) If you're like me - 61, slightly overweight and definitely out of shape - you've got no business showing up at a rally accompanied by nobody but other old duffers in the same condition. Get some younger people in good physical shape to go with you, preferably current or former Navy SEALS or Army Rangers; anybody, in fact, who's physically capable of engaging in a good scrap. But do be ready to pitch in.

2) Don't go to a rally carrying nothing but a placard nailed to a balsa-wood stick. Fix that sign to a sturdy piece of solid oak, or maybe even a baseball bat.

3) Get yourself a tactical pen and learn how to use it:



4) Load up on pepper spray (but practice not shooting yourself in the face with it).

5) And keep those cameras rolling. There's always a chance the police will be compelled to do some investigating if you happen to get a clear picture of a thug in action.

Update: Stick Man shows the way!



(H/T: Mike_W, in the comments).

Sunday, March 5, 2017

Sunday funnies

The dog ate my homework. And then he shot my girlfriend.

Temptation: "A South Texas woman who says she gave up beer for Lent won a case of Budweiser delivered to her home by a team of Clydesdales."

Break-up cake...



Keep on truckin'.

Now that the Democrats have revived the Red scare, it might be time to revisit "duck and cover"...with Bert the Turtle.



Complex carbohydrates...



More imaginative than handing out blue bubble-gum cigars.


Friday, March 3, 2017

Honest Abe



H/T: Clash Daily

Update: Man, Doug Giles is on fire over there at Clash Daily...

Happy Feet Friday

Doc Pomus (born Jerome Felder) is best known as a songwriter of the rock and roll era, but in the late 1940s he was also active as a singer on the post-war R&B scene. Here he is belting out a propulsive boogie-woogie tune, wonderfully supported by Curley Russell's All Stars.

Thursday, March 2, 2017

Oh, how nice

Barry's surrogate mom, Valerie Jarrett, is moving into the Obama's DC mansion, the better to cook up their treasonous plots against America, no doubt.

Honestly, I'm beginning to think that, for the good of the Republic, ex-Presidents and their senior advisers probably ought to be confined to an island somewhere, completely off the grid. Food and other essentials can be sent in once every couple of months via some island-hopping, rusty old steamer, and if they get sick they can be airlifted to a hospital, where they would be maintained in strict quarantine for the duration of their treatment. When somebody dies, one of the island retainers can sew the person's body up in a canvas sack with a cannon ball, and row out beyond the reef in order to commit the mortal remains to the deep.

Tuesday, February 28, 2017

Cheers!

Stephen Green drunk-blogged President Trump's speech tonight. A few highlights:
Here comes the Cabinet. And don't think for one moment that SecDef Mattis doesn't have a plan for killing every last one of them.

If you can['t] stand up and applaud Harley, then just whip out your CPUSA card for everyone to see.

...if you listen without prejudice (hat tip to the late, great George Michael for that phrase), then you just heard the most Reaganesque [speech] since The Gipper himself.

And sitting there in front of the man giving it was the most conservative cabinet assembled since... since I don't know when. Maybe in my lifetime. Maybe longer than that.
Update: Trump's budget cuts are "dead on arrival", says Sen Chuck Schumer.

Oh, wait. That statement didn't come from Schumer; it came from Lindsey Freakin' Graham.

For years, RINOs like Graham and John McCain fancied themselves the face of the Republican Party (God knows, that may actually have been the case). But they are being so massively upstaged by newly-minted Republican Donald Trump that one can't help thinking that a considerable part of their sniffish disdain is due to wounded vanity.

Hey, you people in South Carolina, how many times have I got to tell you: never, ever trust a politician who looks like Eleanor Roosevelt, even if the politician is (allegedly) male.

Assortment

Silk purse, etc.: "Fabricating Chelsea Clinton".

Hilarious map of "trigger" items in Europe, broken down by country, over at DoublePlusUndead (at the end of the post, but, by all means, check out the rest of his stuff as you scroll down, as Veeshir has a knack for enlightening while amusing).

The NRA riffs on the New York Times' latest display of cluelessness.

Why hasn't this radical Muslim harpy been deported? Looks like a pretty big vetting failure, to me. Yeah, I know, I know: "B...b...but Jesus was a refugee". Well, this woman ain't Jesus, and besides...



Sweet robot.

I knew it!


The one thing about leftists that I grudgingly admire

They never give up. Unlike the GOP establishment, which keeps a white flag on hand at all times.

More on the latest anti-Second-Amendment ruling by the Fourth Circuit Court.

The horror!

Senior adviser Kellyanne Conway has been caught - see photo at linked article!!! - kneeling on a couch in the Oval Office!!!!

My God, and Republicans had the nerve to complain about Benghazi!

This is the greatest outrage since...well, this...



FLASH!!!

And now, an outrageous update on this outrageous outrage!!! Or, to put it succinctly, never mind.

Sunday, February 26, 2017

No offense

Great instructional video on the fine art of getting offended.



H/T: Clash Daily

I'll take that million in cash, please

Some idiotic outfit is offering a million-dollar prize for the best design of a "wearable solution" to the problem of violence against women.

Here's my entry:

Sunday funnies

See the capitalist. See the capitalist eat. See the capitalist oppress the worker.

I like donuts as much as the next guy, but there are limits.

Play it where it lies...




Wish I'd thought of this: "Mom Reminds Son To Take Out Trash By Mailing It To Him".


The big, untold story of 1959: the search for the perfect pickled onion.

Saturday, February 25, 2017

Is there a way they both can win?

John Perrazo at FrontPage:
It is a classic matchup that places the Democratic Party's unwavering commitment to diversity on full display: The two front-runners in this week's election for DNC chairman are a race-obsessed black hate monger and a race-obsessed Hispanic hate monger. The former is Congressman Keith Ellison of Minnesota. The latter is Thomas Perez, who served as Assistant Attorney General in the Obama Justice Department's Civil Rights Division, and subsequently as Obama's Secretary of Labor. A clash of titans, if there ever was one.

The impartial press at work

Hey, who says the lamestream media isn't fair in its Obama coverage? Check out this hard-hitting headline: "Barack Obama Takes Daughter Malia to Broadway Show — And He Looks Incredible!"

So, there you go, h8terz!

Update: And the hits just keep coming.

The People's Republic of Oregon

What the hell's wrong with those people? Ohhh, I see. It's freakin' Portland, the San Francisco wanna-be.

In a nutshell, independent videographer and conservative gadfly, Mike Strickland, attends a protest, is surrounded and threatened by thugs, pulls a firearm - which he is legally carrying - and winds up being cited for a "menacing" misdemeanor; however, through an act of legal prestidigitation, the misdemeanor charge suddenly balloons into multiple felony charges, and the guy is now potentially facing fifty years in prison. Click on the link; I've only touched the surface of the judicial tyranny at play here.

Elsewhere, the Fourth Circus Circuit Court decides to ignore the Heller ruling in striking down a challenge to Maryland's ban on "assault rifles" and high-capacity magazines, in the course of which the judges create some new definitions and benchmarks out of whole-cloth.

You know, six years ago I had no interest in so-called "assault rifles", but crap like this is why I now own...more than one.



Update: And let's not forget California. Gun owners there are stocking up in advance of the implementation of Prop 63, the state's mind-bogglingly stupid new law that requires background checks on ammo purchases. Per a press release from the good people at Widener's Reloading and Shooting Supply, "Californians are buying more ammo overall and in bigger, bulk quantities since the election".
In the two months since 2016’s General Election, traffic from California is up 50% toWideners.com. Nationwide traffic to the site has remained relatively static for the same period.“There’s been a massive influx of California hunters and sport shooters who are stocking up in the wake of California’s new laws, no doubt about it.” Anne Taylor of Widener’s said. “There’s not just increased interest, it’s clear the gun owners who are buying are buying in bulk. We’ve seen our average order weight go up in the past couple months.”

Friday, February 24, 2017

Happy Feet Friday

Some fiddle-woogie from Charlie Daniels and the boys.

Monday, February 20, 2017

Sunday, February 19, 2017

The progs' reverse Midas touch continues

Nestle is pulling out of California.

Extinct volcano still trying to work up some steam

Fraudulent "maverick" and moss-backed RINO John McCain has attacked Trump in a speech in Munich.

Not by name, of course. Apparently the name was on the tip of his tongue and he couldn't remember it. But there is no doubt concerning the target of his wrath.

Who will primary this troublesome pol?

Sunday funnies

If I were a burglar, I confess that a guard squirrel would probably scare me more than a dog would.

Chicken thieves.

(H/T on the above stories, Mrs. Paco)

Looking for a good read? Try one of these.

I hate it when that happens: "Contractor guts wrong Fort Worth house".

C'mon, you gonna be in there all day?

Raccoon hitches a ride on the "gravy train"...



Worst campaign speech ever...

Friday, February 17, 2017

Happy Feet Friday

Fats Domino lays down some of that New Orleans eight-to-the-bar with Hey la Bas Boogie.

Thursday, February 16, 2017

Shep Smith, fool

Shep Smith to Donald Trump: "No sir, we are not fools..."

When you rant about not being a fool, the froth flying from your lips pretty much renders your claim null and void.

Let's face it, mainscream media, Donald Trump is twisting your OODA loop into something resembling a balloon dog.

Wednesday, February 15, 2017

The price of liberty

Man, no sooner do we hand the Democrats a defeat and embarrass the RINOs than we face probably the most deadly enemy of them all: the deep state.

More from Adam Kredo at Washington Free Beacon.

Coexist...or else!



(Cheerfully pinched from DoublePlusUndead - which, if you're not reading everyday, you're just not one of the cool kids)

Monday, February 13, 2017

Sunday, February 12, 2017

Sunday funnies

Old duffer fights off alligator with putter.


(H/T: Moonbattery)

Good advice (H/T: Clash Daily)...



Engagement ring tattoos (for those who are pretty damned sure their union will be permanent).

Did your ex-wife leave her wedding dress behind? It makes great snow camo (H/T: Odd Stuff)...